This past Saturday I had the privilege of participating in a really fun event in Seattle. There is a community in which I am fairly well known and I go to these events often. Often these events are really fun and they bring me out of my funk and I feel liberated and I have fun. That happened to some extent this weekend but I still felt like I was experiencing the event through the veil of depression and I couldn't truly be me. A big part of the day I was just faking it and putting on a brave face while inside I was wanting to be at home in bed. I really did have fun but it still felt like so much work and at times I just wanted to lay down.
I hate faking anything because when I fake things then I have to remember to keep up a charade and most of the time it's just easier to be open and honest and be myself. But sometimes you have to try and fake it until you make it or at least until you can go back to being the depressed person that you are.
At least I got to talk to some people I consider my heros and they seemed to be engaged in the conversations that we were having. That was a really big win.
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