Pacific Rim is a Godzilla type movie with huge robots that stars Jax from Sons of Anarchy. Unlike most Godzilla movies I've seen (which I admit is limited) there is actually an emotional component that is somewhat compelling and interesting ideas to consider when dealing with depression.
The basics of the story is that aliens called Kaiju are coming through a rift in the ocean to another dimension in order to terrorize earth. After several attacks the citizens of the world unite to create Jaegers, which are these giant robots that match the size and strength of the Kaiju. In order to steer these massive robots two pilots have to create a neural link with the Jaeger in order to be able to control it. The pilots must have a certain amount of capability in order to link together because once they're linked they share each others thoughts.
So what does all this have to do with depression? Part way through the movie an experienced pilot is taking on a new green co-pilot and reminds the new pilot "Don't Chase the Rabit. Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers....Memories. Just let them flow and don't latch on". That particular bit of dialogue has caught my attention on more than one occasion. When the depression is at it's worst I seem to be unable to let the thoughts flow each one, especially the negative, must me examined from every angle until I'm tied in knots. When I'm feeling better the thoughts flow and I can let them go. I think one of my goals is to be able to reliably let my thoughts and memories flow through my brain and only hold on to the ones that I want to focus on. Each day is a struggle and a fight but maybe I'll have help me my struggle soon, only time will tell.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
The Radio Station from Hell
The other day I had dinner at a friends house for dinner and meditation as I do every week. Another acquaintance was there and she and I were discussing depression which is often a topic among this group because we all suffer from it to one degree or another.
This acquaintance used an analogy I hadn't heard before that her brain was constantly tuned to the same radio station and she couldn't change the channel. She practices ignoring the noise but it's always there this constant hum in the background. This particular analogy really resonated with me because that's what depression often feels like, this scratchy old broadcast that you can never get rid of that you're sometimes able to turn the volume down on but other times it's so loud it's the only thing you can think about because the thoughts are so blaringly loud.
Fast forward to today and I had a very good appointment with my psychiatrist. He's giving me hope. But what does that have to do with the radio station? Well, I told him the story about the radio station and a little while later we were discussing something else and he said yea when you're depressed that radio station is always tuned to Hell.
So that is a new description to have in my back pocket when people don't understand depression. Depression is a radio station from Hell that you can't turn off on your own and if you're bipolar the volume fluctuates between almost silent to ear bleeding loud.
This acquaintance used an analogy I hadn't heard before that her brain was constantly tuned to the same radio station and she couldn't change the channel. She practices ignoring the noise but it's always there this constant hum in the background. This particular analogy really resonated with me because that's what depression often feels like, this scratchy old broadcast that you can never get rid of that you're sometimes able to turn the volume down on but other times it's so loud it's the only thing you can think about because the thoughts are so blaringly loud.
Fast forward to today and I had a very good appointment with my psychiatrist. He's giving me hope. But what does that have to do with the radio station? Well, I told him the story about the radio station and a little while later we were discussing something else and he said yea when you're depressed that radio station is always tuned to Hell.
So that is a new description to have in my back pocket when people don't understand depression. Depression is a radio station from Hell that you can't turn off on your own and if you're bipolar the volume fluctuates between almost silent to ear bleeding loud.
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