Stomach Problems

I'm hoping by the time I finish writing this post that I am able to come up with a better title than stomach problems but for now it works.

For the last couple of months I have been dealing with stomach issues/cramps/lower back pain.  That isn't very sexy but it's the reality of where I'm at.  I think there are one of three things going on or some combination of all 3.

1) There is something physiological going on that is causing the pain.
2) There is some emotional-spiritual something that I haven't addressed
3) I need to change my diet.

The idea that this is something that is emotional-spiritual is not a completely new idea to me but it's something I've only started considering in the last few years.  I know that when I focus on relaxing my body that my body calms down it's just at this moment it's not practical for me to stay focused on keeping myself relaxed 24/7.  It seems similar to where I was with the toxic thoughts 8 months ago.

I'm going to pray for the willingness to change my diet I'm going to practice mindfullness and I'm going to meditate on my pain and breath into it and see what happens.

Writing

I want to write more, but I'm afraid.  The writing that I do is stream of consciousness, whatever comes to my mind.  If I don't write I won't learn to face the fear of writing.  I want to share my experiences about relationships, neurofeedback, recovery, meditation and everything else.  My mind tells me that to share publicly means that I'm just looking for attention and that I don't have anything to offer but I know that isn't true.

I have gone through hell and back and I am on the other side and at this moment life feels ok.  Relationships and learning to live in them and with people and be part of the world is difficult.  Setting boundaries, honoring my true self, honoring my inner child all confusing things to do and try and I want to share them.  Bleh I feel vulnerable writing this and sharing this.  But here it is I'm going to try again.

There is that part of me that thinks that I have to have this all figured out and know how to do it write that making mistakes is not acceptable.  I've got a better relationship with that part of myself today but it's still hard sometimes to make decisions over the objections.  I'm going to make small tries and attempts and see how it goes.