What's accomplishments are Real?

One of the things that depression does especially for a self critical person like me is make it difficult to distinguish between the depression and character flaws that should be worked on.  My inner monologue often includes things like lazy, selfish and stupid.  The problem is that often these things that I get down on myself for are things that I really have no control over because the depression makes everything so difficult.

Tonight I've been very aware of my negative inner monologue and I've been trying to think of positive or at the very least neutral things to keep my mind from going negative and it's been very difficult.   I had all these ambitious plans of what I wanted to accomplish today and I got almost none of it done and so I've been beating myself up.  But actually I did get stuff done today.  I went to the gym, I got several loads of laundry done, I wrote a couple of different blog posts and I worked on a project that involves people.   I did accomplish things today and I have to give myself credit for what I do accomplish and stop beating myself up for what I don't.

Forgiving Myself

I think one of the biggest contributing factors to my depression (besides biology) is my inability to forgive myself for things I think I've done wrong.  I still feel guilt over things that happened years ago, like somehow by punishing myself for things that happened when I was 25 or 18 will somehow make me a better person.  But the reality is it will just continue to add to my negative feelings about myself.

I'm not entirely sure how to forgive myself but I'm reading up on it. I guess the first step is realizing that forgiveness is not the same as forgetting and forgiving myself for the things I think I've done wrong does not mean I won't grow and improve as a person.   It just means I'll stop torturing myself over things that I've done wrong.