The inner teenager

Lately I am learning to deal with my inner teenager. She's angry and she doesn't want to do anything she doesn't want to do. It's really frustrating.

I am finding that some part of me believes that I am a failure and continues to try and live up to that by procrastinating as much as possible in order to avoid actually having the possibility of being successful.

What I realize though is that all I can do is continue to loves these parts and love me in spite of these habitual patterns. I will continue to do that and continue to build momentum at loving myself until I am able to make different choices. I am going to continue to trust that if I deal with each day, each moment at a time then I will continue to be able to make forward progress.

It is frustrating to have thoughts that I know are not real and beliefs that I know are not real that are running my life. I continue to love myself and put one foot in front of the other.

One of the behaviors that I am noticing from the teenager is putting up the depression.  Well I'm not exactly sure if it's the teenager but it's someone working with the teenager and helping to keep things locked down because if I were allowed to have energy and do things in my life at the speed that I want to do them then things might get messy.  If I didn't have to slow down then I probably wouldn't and I wouldn't be on a spiritual journey.

I continue to crave for things to be different then they are. I continue to crave for things to be as I wish them to be and that just isn't very healthy for me.