The curse of an analytical mind

As an engineer I can be very analytical, this can be a really good thing when it comes to work, but it can be a real liability when it comes to my emotional and mental health.  Because I have a tendency to thnk I can solve anything, including me and this thing called life.

Right now my job is to learn to live with discomfort and quiet my mind when there is nothing to solve.  That's a tall order for someone who thought that she could cure depression at one point, I never said I was modest or thought to little of myself.  

The last few days have been hard.  Yesterday I opened one of my daily reading books and a notecard fell out on which I wrote "only God can heal you" which is true when it comes to obsessions of the mind. I can't think my way out of an obsession of the mind.  All I can do is practice at calming my mind.  I have brief moments of living on the mone and I'm sure as I practice more it will get easier, for now it's just a matter of practice, practice, practice.  Sometimes that involves keeping my mind completely quiet and sometimes that involves remind myself of my assets and reminding myself that God is always with me.  Either way it's about not letting the thoughts that I have allowed run my life for far too long continue doing that.

Right now this very moment it feels like I'm succeeding.  But I know that surrender is in there somewhere and I'm not completely surrendering, but I will and for now I am willing to surrender and that's all I can ask of my simple human existence.