IFS

IFS stands for Internal Family Systems. IFS is a type of therapy based on the premise that everyone has different parts inside them that exist like a family.  In people who have dealt with trauma or PTSD may be dealing with a dysfunctional family.

I have been working with an IFS therapist for about 9 months now and it has made a big difference in my healing.

Today was a break through day as I was able to connect with a part of me that has been "frozen" for almost 30 years.  On the surface it seems like a small memory, but of course I have a tendency to minimize most of my experiences.  When I was 8 my older brother was in a play at school.  After the show the family wanted me to go down to give him flowers.  It's possible I wanted to do it.  But I remember being really afraid and so I didn't make it all the way down to give him the flowers.  When I got back to my family I remember my big sister being angry at me and I felt ashamed for being scared.  That little girl version of me has been stuck in that place of wanting to make people happy and being so scared for most of my life.

Today with the help of my therapist I was able to help that little girl present her brother with flowers and conquer her fear.  I cried a lot during the therapy session, it was as though this little girl had been frozen in time for so long.  To "rescue" her I imagined sitting in the seats a few rows ahead of her and as she moved down the risers so did I giving her an encouraging smile until her big brother saw and gave her an encouraging smile.

It seems like there is a lot more to say and yet that's all I have for now and I'm going to be ok with that.  It was beautiful to be able to help that little girl and I can feel a little more space has opened up inside.

I am grateful to be on this healing journey and have a lot of wonderful people around me to help me move through this.  Even though my mind tries to convince me that I am all alone the reality is that I have an amazing group of people helping me on this journey and my Higher Power has always given me exactly the help I needed to accomplish the next step on my journey.