Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Day 2 - A Little Space

I started to feel a difference yesterday.  At first it was a feeling of agitation and anxiety and fear that I had made a mistake starting medication and thoughts that I wouldn't take it a 2nd day.  Then the agitation migrated into a feeling of energy, an energy and excitement that I haven't felt for a long time.

As the evening continued I could definitely tell a difference, the feelings were still there but the feeling of complete and total terror were gone.  I wish I knew the words to describe the fear and pain that I have experienced in the last few months.  A searing pain that was soul deep and felt as though I would blow apart at any moment.

I know that medication is only a temporary band-aid, temporary relief to help me move through all the pain that I need to process.

The space that I'm feeling is allowing me to open my mind a little more.  No longer do I feel as though I will die when my mind ventures down certain paths.  At least for today I can pass some of the hallways of my mind without wanting to crawl in a hole somewhere and die.  A bit dramatic I know but it's where I've been.

Ultimately I realize that these are all just stories that my mind is telling me and none of it is actually real.  For now these are the stories I have and hopefully by sharing them someone else may find comfort that they are not entirely alone on their spiritual journey.  Of course we are all connected and yet each souls journey is their own to travel but some of share similar experiences.

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