Well my first attempt at starting medication was a bit rough and now I'm having to go back to the drawing board. But this experience has not been without it's lessons.
One of the main things I have learned is that I definitely need help from western medicine. There is a part of me that really wants the answer to be a spiritual problem that I can meditate away and clean my karma and rescue my inner children and I'll be free of this soul sickness. In the long run that may prove to be true, but for now I need help.
My experience with Lamictal was pretty rough. The first week was ok in fact I felt a bit of relief from the soul sadness but after increasing the dose to 50mg I found the side effects of psychomotor agitation too much to handle. After speaking with my doctor it was decided that I would cease taking the medication.
It took a few days for the medication to get completely out of my system and that experience was quite unpleasant. Many who deal with bipolar have to deal with something called a "mixed state" this is when there are both manic and depressive symptoms occurring at the same time. A side effect of a mixed state is psychomotor agitation. Psychomotor Agitation is probably one of the most unpleasant things I have ever experienced it feels like bugs crawling under your skin and you can't sit still and it feels like the most awful thing in the world.
I go back to the doctor this week to try again with a different medication. Who knows what will happen but it's definitely a journey.
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