There are some days when the depression is so bad all I can do is give in to the tears that just need to be let out. My thoughts can be so chaotic and the only thoughts I seem to hold on to are the ones that are so negative about myself that I wonder how could anyone ever care about me because I'm just so worthless and I don't deserve to live.
I've cried silently in so many places I could totally cry in a library and no one would know. The biggest problem I have with crying silently is the sniffles that come from the tears.
Luckily I have the support of amazing people especially my wonderful loving husband who works really hard to make me laugh, when it feels like I could never laugh again. And every day I'm getting better at not chasing the rabbit and letting the thoughts float over me and not hold on to any of them. Letting things go means that some days I have the attention span of a 5 year old but I know that with time and energy I'll get better at not allowing the thoughts to control me. Ultimately the only thing I have any control over is how I react to these crazy off the wall emotions and thoughts, every day I practice and every day I hope I get better.
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